So, I've had some to drink, and felt like feeling.

Honestly, I don't know what i'm supposed to do anymore, I once had big hopes, ideals , dreams. But I started living towards a relationship marriage involved and such, and suddenly she runs off with a mate, I've been able to cope, but ever since I've been destroying myself, and telling myself I'm not worthy, and I've become fine with it, even after losing 60 kg's, I get even less pussy then when obese, and I don't care...

It's like I'm telling myself, just do what you want, you'll probably off yourself by 30.

And every day just keeps repeating itself and I've lost memories of being sober, of being held by another person, of love even...

I wish, just once, I could forget everything I know, and start over.

My mother left dad when I was 3, my brother then was diagnosed schizophrenic, at teen age I started having depression(to this day), my first gf had borderline and was a sociopath (her family only told me when we broke up). more few years and my father gave it up on me and my schizo brother, and started fucking a 18 yo (almost my age(and my dad is 57)) and now she is making him go bankrupt. I don't wanna an hero, but damn, living is tiring...