Somebody teach me how to take a dump within like 5 minutes.

Please, this is killing me. I am taking a dump every morning, takes like 30 minutes at least, usually around an hour.

I must be doing something wrong. Maybe wrong position, or something else.

try having a cigarette when you poop, eat less meat and dairy faggot.

I do not remember a single day in which I did not take a dump.

Not sure about the rest, but I am absolutely positive I have taken a dump at least once in every single day in the past 6 years of my life.