I need help /lounge/. Tell me what's wrong. I wrote this with the intentions of no one seeing this, just to let myself know what I'm feeling but maybe you guys can help. I like to hear other peoples problems so let's discuss.

I have been severely depressed for about two months. I've had times where I was sad, maybe more than usual, but never anything where I thought I might need help, never anything like this. Sleeping for 16 hours or more is no problem at this point and when I decide it's time to get up, my body lacks the motivation to even get out of bed. I've cried more times now than I have anywhere else. I often think about suicide as it's very comforting to think about how all my problems would just dissapear with a pull of a trigger. I would not go through with suicide, though, because I feel that one day I WILL be happy again. I so long for happiness again, to just be care-free and smile for no reason. The only way I can reach that is through drugs now, and that thought makes me so uncomfortable. There are three things that I feel can spark my happiness: Someone to love, start my job, or get better grades. Someone to love may be the one that could help the most. I need someone to hold, talk to like a diary, to hear their problems and make them feel safe so I can help and support them. Sometimes I want to reach out to people who I think feel like me, like the weight of the world is pressing down on their life, and I just want to tell them my problems and let them know they're not alone. I try this, but often get put down by these people for what I think is to help their own self esteem.

A good way to describe what I feel is: You know when you cry for a while and you stop and things gradually get better? Well this is like, when you cry, you just keep crying and you wait for that little bit of "That feels better.. I needed that", but it never comes. And you stop crying because it's not helping. And you wait and wait for that little relief but it doesn't come. I'm still waiting. I'm trying to change parts of my life to trigger whatever it is will make me happy again, but I have to work up the motivation for change first and it seems I'm far from that. My motivation has declined so much, the act of having to get up and change, go downstairs and walk to the cafeteria disgusts me so I just stay hungry. I don't even want to leave my room because the people who live on my floor might see me and try to talk to me.

I bet your fat fucking autistic ass is from the Midwest. That or Florida. I bet you spend all your money on animal porn too.

You have no real friends other than fat fuck furfags you see at conventions.

You will never procreate.
And you will never be loved.