Jealous of that handsome, funny, popular guy you know, who if the rumours are true, also has a "big one"? You needn't be. The universe has an hilarious way of balancing things out.
I had a friend who was dared by a drunken slut at a party to "show us so she could see if the rumours were true." They were. It looked about 5-6 inches long while completely soft, and immensely-thick.
A couple of years later, the same guy confessed to me that he was raped repeatedly by his stepfather as a child. While I pretended to console him, thinking back to that confession puts a big ol' smile on my face even to this day.
I guess if there's any point to this stupid story, it's this. "Every cloud has a silver-lining". Whenever I find myself becoming jealous of a guy who was born with a huge donger, I immediately wonder if his protesting, puckered anus was ravaged as a wee youngun', his screams being muffled by a pillow so as to not alert anybody in the house, and I gleefully imagine the mixture of shame, regret and agony he feels afterwards as he puts on a blank face and cleans up the mess of blood, anal-mucous and feces. It tickles me that such instances leave him with severe mental anguish to this day, which immediately cheers me up and flushes out any jealousy I might have had.
Feels good, man.
tl;dr: [spoiler]The universe works in strange and amusing ways and I accidentally the entire ice cream and what is this?[/spoiler]